Many people long to be more confident and we all deserve to possess a great self-image and self-worth.  When you literally glow with self-confidence, you attract other people to you like a magnet and you instantly appear more attractive to others.  Confidence enables you to pursue your goals in life.  For this reason, confidence building is a skill we all need to master. 

Step One – Learn To Like Yourself

This is a vital part of your confidence.  If you do not like yourself you cannot achieve true confidence.  You must start to appreciate all the things you like about yourself.  At first, you may find it hard to think of things you admire about yourself or think of things that you do well and have a talent for.  Most of us have been taught from a very young age that self-appreciation is selfish and arrogant and boastful.  We are not talking about any of those “negative” traits here – we are simply referring to developing a healthy appreciation for ourselves, a gratitude for our uniqueness.  Sure, there might be things about yourself that you do not like or wish to change, but these should never blind you to truly liking yourself.  No one is perfect – as humans we can never expect to be perfect!

Step Two – Choose Your Thoughts With Care

You are what you think about and you and only you control your thoughts – no one else, not your partner, your boss, your parents, your friends.  Only you.  And because of that it is your task to choose your thoughts carefully.  Confidence building requires optimistic thoughts.  Now, many pessimistic people view optimism as unrealistic or even childish.  Pessimistic and negative thoughts simply make you feel miserable about everything and yet those negative thoughts were chosen and have most likely become a habit.  Scientists have calculated that the average adult has around 90,000 thoughts each day, of which 60,000 are repetitive.  So it seems we are thinking the same thoughts over and over.  Surely it is best to choose positive, optimistic, affirmative thoughts?  Get into the habit of using affirmations.  These are positive statements that can change your negative thinking habits for the better.  The right affirmations, such as “I am a confident person” or “I have the perfect job” can leave you feeling uplifted and yes – confident!

Step Three – Observe Confident People

A great way of confidence building is to observe the actions, habits and words of truly confident people.  Let them be your mentors and learn from them.  Listen to how they speak and how they behave.  Some people are innately confident but there are many more that have made the decision to become confident.  Both types are worthwhile mentors. 

Step Four – Select Your Influences

None of us can avoid being exposed to outside opinions and influences such as friends, family, politicians, television programmes, the internet and newspapers.  But what you can do is to be aware of what influences you and to make choices about the influences you select.  Instead of listening to the doom and gloom on the television news each night, decide to read an inspirational biography of someone you admire.  Or watch a comedy show instead.  Listen to recordings of affirmations and begin to limit the amount of negative messages you hear around you.  Remember that pessimism zaps your confidence so limit it as much as possible in your life.

Step Five – Be Wary Of Comparisons

Our competitive society seems to demand that we compare ourselves with others.  Often, we are made to feel that we are, in some way, lacking or not good enough.  Comparing yourself unfavourably to someone is the quickest way to put a halt to your confidence building.  Not only is this comparison a waste of time but it is often damaging. No one has the perfect life; everyone has problems of some sort regardless of whether they have beauty, money or fame.  Don’t put other people on pedestals – it is not a position they deserve or ask for.  Remind yourself again as to why you like yourself and if you must compare yourself with someone, ensure that it is a person who inspires you, someone who possesses the qualities of confidence that you are building for yourself.  Acquiring confidence requires you to break the habit of comparing yourself poorly to others and to start to realise how very lucky and blessed you are in contrast to so many other people in the world.

Confidence building is a process that takes time but if you put the effort in and follow the five steps, you will soon be on your way to acquiring the sort of self-esteem you admire in others.  In time, you could also become a mentor to someone who wishes to increase their confidence.